In dreams, and one dream.

The realm of dreams is where you have no control, and in the realm of dreams, pieces are woven together. In the realm of dreams, the mind is free to write it's own story.

It is also when one has no control, that one understands much more, learns more and sees a part of one that has been pushed under the layers of consciousness into the deepest recess of the mind. For the human mind often acts as though it is in full control. Very often, it is not the case. The consciousness only has as much control as the physical body has over the mind. The more one tries to control the body, the more the body will try to control the mind.

Dreamland is a very unique place, where the previously mentioned boundary does not exist. In the land of dreams, neither the mind nor the body has control. Or should I say, it is where both entities have a false sense of control.

In dreams, one can see one's fears, desires, pain, emotion and creativity emerge. In dreams, many unexplained things occur, and in dreams, the truth often reveals itself.

Then there is one dream.

That is why that dream last night is a stark reminder of my feelings. I am afraid of not getting anything in return. I am afraid of betrayal, and I am afraid that I would lose her.

I stand corrected. It is more likely a sign that I have already lost her.

It is not a prediction, I must firmly state. It is a recount of events, a collage of the past, but not necessarily an accurate one. In fact, it is the most biased view that one could possibly adopt, yet in that fact lies the opportunity to view the bigotted mind that analyzed the situation.

The dream told me that I am weak, that I am fake. The dream told me that I run from the truth, and the dream told me that I lack courage. It told me that my interest is only in expectation of a reprieve, and of repayment.

It was a shocking dream, and it showed how rotten I was. It told me I was hot-tempered, it told me I was jealous. It revealed so many, many truths.

But, the dream also told me that she is quite dear to me.

Most importantly, it told me to do something very important.

That is to ask for forgiveness.

Everyone, and especially you. Please forgive me.

Has someone found the way in?

Congratulations, whoever you are. Seems like you have found the key, but do pay heed that the key is not a state of permanence. It is merely a fleeting form. Given your intellect, I have confidence you shall figure it out if need be.

Of course, I must admit I am quite surprised, and pleased.

I safely assume that you hail from Singapore too?

It's been too long that I have almost forgotten about this space. Unfortunately, it seems that I am only reminded of it's existence when there is a need to run. Often, I find myself running in circles too.

Rationale thought never fails to flee my mind when it is most required. Of course, if it was there to salvage the situation, one would not be lamenting about the lack of it in the first place.

That is a very interesting human paradox, no?

In short, I did something that I am sure to regret. All's said and done, I'm alive, she's alive. Who cares about hurt?

To tell the truth, I do.

So what, if I am eternally smiling? Surely, it would occur to question the source of this apparent "strength".

After all, humans beings are thought to interpret their emotions. The only problem is that it works on an assumption that every emotion is universal. That is a highly debatable point, for who is to say what I feel is identical to what you feel when we are happy, sad or angry.

That is why it is very hard to trust our emotions.

But that is precisely reason why we should trust them and not rationalize emotions. They exist because they are part of the human physique. Their existence cannot be denied. By saying that I meant that we shall not deceive ourselves, saying that we did not just experience a particular emotion, for example, lust. It is a whole different thing to acknowledged that you lusted. The lust and say you did not and to lust and say you shall not. That is the fine line, but nonetheless, a very concrete distinguishing mark.

More often than not we are afraid to make that admission to begin with. Fear, a self-defence mechanism that becomes a hindrance. It is hard to overcome fear. It is deeply etched in the mind.

Just like how I fear the consequences, and her. That must be removed gradually.

Till then, the postmen shall still deliver, and before they resume their work, I shall concluded this correspondence here.