A Plan!

She makes me think of a light, powder purple, that smells faintly of lavendar.

Cat-like, indepence and a strength hidden.

Intelligence.

I can't help feeling my heart sink when she does that.

Then I need to ask, what am I doing?

Nothing makes sense, I've lost direection, and shall I cling onto her just because she showed a little concern? I don't think she deserves this. No one does. This trivial troubles are nothing. They pale in comparison to what so many others find themselves faced with.

Grow stronger, I would tell someone else, so grow stronger, won't you, Gavin?

No one desires a torrent of melancholy, especially not her.

I'm a guy

I'm a guy, since when do we ever get things right the first time round? In fact, since when do we ever get things right?

Whole essays and books can be written chronicling the idiocy of the male half of mankind. The problem is rather simple, we don't communicate well.

What was meant as a sincere attempt to connect and communicate, turns out crude, unrefined and meaningless.

It surely is amazing, the amount of times I've blown it.

Of Barlic Gutters and gladness.

The unposted letter, the words I never said, and the remnants of regret. About 2 years ago I made a mistake and decided to watch from afar, at least until I had what it takes to impress her, and to ask her forgiveness for this mess of a lock in my head. What exactly for? I don't know, all I know is I feel that I owe her some form of apology.

It was nice seeing her again, it was splendid in fact!

Yet, I still feel I'm not adequate for the likes of her, yet. Like I'm still not good enough. Let me gain more accolades, and maybe in the future, I'll have the courage and the confidence to face up to her.

She only deserves the best there is out there, and until I become that, I'll keep her steady in my sight, just like how it's been all this time.

2 months pass

The postmen have been very busy. Letters here, there everywhere. First, there were bombs in Bali, and later, there was an Earthquake in Pakistan. Such sadness going around the world, and to work against such sadness is the duty of the postmen. Yeah, they go around giving letter, tokens of hope and distributing food, and gosh is it a tiring task.

But it is all in hopes that someday there shall be peace and harmony for everyone.

In the mean time, worldviews are constantly challenged, yet since that fateful day in March, it seemd that I have lost her, the only partner to discuss at length, the mess that is my head.

I want to feel free and happy all day, to expound my thoughts without reservations. More importantly, someone to listen to them. Peers, not people who need me. Sometimes, I need someone too.

Though the irony is that it is never really enough, is it?

More than a month already, maybe the postmen are working too hard. Life goes on, that a unchanging fact, but whether it gets interesting is solely your responsibility.

It seems like only one person has ever had enough smarts to make it into this place, and I wonder if any others will find their way here.

Life is getting very interesting, with new responsibilities at work, together with ensuring the guys are keep at a high level of morale. Plus, I'm almost running a research project all by myself.

It's quite tricky really, ensuring that work is done at an efficient level and that everyone is still happy, but I'm learning.

There are times when you just wish you could get rid of certain men because they are not working well, but then you realize that it will affect the rest. Who would ever want to work in a place where they do not feel they are secure.

Dang. In the mean time, this unposted letter writes itself.

When people don't pay me full attention. I get really angry at them, then I will not ffel like talking to them nor seeing them.

And these are the people I care for.

I've lost one too many already.

But I can't help it. Maybe What I feel is all an illusion. I don't care for them at all.